Creatures inside me.

So, yesterday I woke up with this minimal back pain that has amplified its power (to the power of hercules/goliath) today. I thought it was just a pulled muscle or pinched nerve on my lower right side at first, but am now starting to consider that it might be something more extreme. (Kidney stone, UTI, Ovarian cist, some powerful ghost of girlfriend's past...stabbing my organs to smithereens?!?!) It hurts to breath in too deep, bend over, stretch and laugh. I've been on the verge of wanting to cry like a baby in the fetal position and kill someone with a staple remover all at once today. On second thought, being murdered with a staple remover might feel better.

Soooo, I'm downing an ocean of Dasani (which I'm not even convinced is actually water, cause it sounds like soda when you open it and tastes a little like metal), taking cranberry pills, stretching the muscle and praying to my ex girlfriends and begging their forgiveness in exchange for a single pain free moment. To make matters even worse, I have peed like 728 times today and my arm twitch is also back. Havn't I suffered enough?!!!?

Maybe this is the universe telling me that I need to go to the doctor for once or get a primary physician and stop using the E.R. as a way to avoid a co-pay. Maybe after feeling so enlightened yesterday, I needed to be beaten down to a pulp or feel like I got jumped by a gang of prison inmates with pillowcases full of soap in order to appreciate the value of human health, life and understand what real suffering is. Or, maybe I was abducted by aliens and impregnated with a mechanic alien baby in the kidney with the hopes of fixing me being able to hold my pee for days or not require any form of  liquid during the day. Maybe this will turn out to be a reenactment of one my favorite scenes of Space Balls!?!?! How cool would that be?!?! Watch this video! I love it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVZUVeMtYXc

Or....maybe I just really pissed off some creature bacteria and he is using a lightning bolt knife to slowly kill me...one little pain/aggrevation after another. He sure is good at his job. Maybe he needs a raise.

WARNING: The following may not be suitable to some viewers. Viewer discretion is advised.

Okay, I realize that this wasn't very funny or interesting at all...but I can't focus okay. Give a girl a break. ~ I hear my bed and a heating pad calling! uggggghhhh.